So, once again, this guy showed up at work
Seriously, I went to work all smiles on a Monday morning, I opened the door to the Union Hall and….
Now, admittedly, in the first millisecond I thought; Damn someone’s been smokin’ some awesome….
Then I thought; Oh fuck that! No, no no, that’s not what this stench is!
Visits from Dear Pepe aren’t unknown to my job but it’s been a while since he’s been around.
The stench absolutely permeated the entire Hall! Every inch of it.
I opened windows, which I NEVER do. I opened the backdoor and latched it, which I NEVER do. I sprayed, I shit you not, an ENTIRE can of Lysol around the entire Hall. Then I pulled up my ‘Big Girl Panties’ and settled in for work at 7:30 am.
Come 9:30 am my counterpart, the Painter’s “secretary” came in and promptly LEFT an hour later because she was unable to take the odor any longer.
Not me. I put in a FULL DAY. Yes, I did. A full day plus an extra half hour.
Let me explain why.
After walking the perimeter of the Hall….no less than three times looking for a hole large enough for a skunk to fit through and unable to find one I did what most people couldn’t. That’s right, I just sucked it up buttercup because that’s how one earns a full days’ pay.
My boss came in; “WHAT THE FUCK?” He bellowed.
“Yeah, sorry, looks like the skunk is back.”
So we both did our thing.
BUT…near the end of the day another stench began pervading the air which can only be described as an ‘electrical fire’.
I was the first one to notice it when I opened the door to the Conference Room. I only opened that door trying to see if the smell was that BAD in there. Boy was I surprised when I was met with another stench.
“Oh, bossman, can you come here for a second?”
“Sure, what’s the problem?”
No problem, after all, it could just be ME which it so often is. “Take a deep breath and let me know if you smell anything…weird.”
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?”
“You smell it? I mean, you know, Mr. Carpenter, something like…I dunno…an electrical fire?”
“Yep, that’s the smell.”
We continued working until about 3 o’clock when another Union Employee came in on business and declared; “What the HELL is that SMELL?”
We explained the skunk stench to him and he looked at me and said; “You’re hardcore. What would we do without you? How did you manage to stay here ALL DAY?”
Well, simply because, I’m totally awesome.
Then he left and I called my boss into my office and I said; “Take a breath. Do you smell that?”
He immediately covered his nose! While decrying; “Are you kidding me?”
Yep, the same electrical fire stench began pervading MY office. Then we spent no less than a half hour AFTER work wandering around the Hall. We went in the basement. We opened up ceiling panels which he CRAWLED into. We walked the perimeter of the Hall several times.
No holes where a skunk could get in.
Finally, with no options left to us, we gave up and went home.
However, should I go into work tomorrow morning and find nothing but ashes I won’t be shocked. After all, the burglar alarm system alone isn’t that good because no one paid close attention to where they were putting the motion sensors. No, they didn’t. Oh, they go off in MY office just fine. His office? The other two offices? Yeah, not so much.
Because they’re not in traffic areas. They’re very easy to avoid if you know they’re there.
So, we left today with the full knowledge that the lovely New London Fire Department might call him at some point this evening.
Should the place burn down, I’d be sad. I do love my job but, hey! It’s just a job. The building is wholly owned by the Union and it’s fully insured.
If it burns down, please, just give me a nice severance check and a good slip.
After all, I did spend 8 1/2 hours trying to locate the source of the skunk stench and the electrical fire odor.
So did he.
That’s all we can do.
NLFD…you’re on notice.