Labor Pains After Menopause

This is probably a Way Too Much Information post. LOL

Sunday, I actually started working on a story again and was going along pretty well. I took a break to use the bathroom and when I came down we had company which didn’t make me happy because I was writing at a really good clip for the first time in a very long time and then I had to stop. We all sat around the living room talking. I had a small coughing fit that led to a feeling of vertigo (that’s nothing new). I got over it, or so I thought. Then I started having pain in my left thigh. I rubbed it and rubbed it. It didn’t get better. I started shifting around in my seat to try to get more comfortable and then, all of a sudden, it felt like my ankles (just the ankles mind you!) had been encased in a thick block of ice. I don’t know if it was my blood pressure or my sugar levels but something plummeted like a boulder thrown off the Empire State Building.

The next thing I knew company was leaving and hoping I felt better soon. I stumbled to the couch where they had been sitting grateful to lay down. Then I vomited all over the place! When I stopped, hubby asked me if I remembered anything. I said: “No.” But I didn’t really care because I felt like I’d been run over by a Mack truck. Hubby said I had been sitting there and all of a sudden I started to shake, my whole body tensed up, and I passed out. There I was lying on the couch finally able to stretch out my leg which still hurt like a son of a bitch but felt better when I could elevate it. THEN…wham!

I had the worst cramps since the last time I gave birth!

I kept thinking I had to poop really really really badly BUT I didn’t have the energy to get up off the couch. So I laid there for a while rubbing my thigh and holding my gut until I couldn’t take it any longer. I pulled myself off the couch and stumbled up the stairs with Cai in the lead and hubby right behind me. Not caring who saw what, I ripped down my pants and sat on the toilet but nothing came of it. That’s when I started feeling as though I was standing six inches from the sun. I pushed hubby away, ripped off my sweatshirt and promptly collapsed onto the bathroom floor where it was so blessedly cold. Oh…wonderful. I snuggled my back against the base of the tub for extra effect. I don’t know how long I laid there but it was a while it felt like forever before the heat dissipated when it did I was so weak I couldn’t pull myself off the floor hubby had to help me. He got me, he walked me into the bedroom, I collapsed on the bed and those cramps hit again. All I could do was stare off into space somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness.

They were so bad and so intense that I felt my legs do the wiggly thing they did on their own both times I was in labor. They were so bad I actually PUSHED several times! I had no choice, everything in me just started screaming; PUSH! They were so bad that along with regular labor it felt like I had back labor. I even started to breathe as though I were in labor. I remember staring up at hubby mumbling something about not wanting to be on some episode of “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”. In those minutes I could have sworn I was on the verge of giving birth. (What shocker THAT would have been, huh?) I kept pushing and breathing eventually the pain subsided but in a really weird way. It actually moved, I felt it move, from my back to my abdomen and points south right to the pubic bone where it lingered and hurt like a bitch until it went away.

I laid there trying to catch my breath. Hubby stood over me wondering if he should call an ambulance. I felt so weak and drained that all I could do was lay there for a good long while staring off into space.

Then it was over. Little by little my strength returned. My head cleared. The pain was gone and I was ‘me’ again. Although I did opt to just lay in bed for several hours (I hadn’t realized how early in the day this happened!) I managed to eat a chicken sandwich hubby made and brought up to me. That made me feel better. Eventually, around 5pm I even managed to haul myself out of bed and watch “Forged in Fire” on the couch for a few hours. Then it was back to bed with some more TV for an hour or two.

I slept like a friggin’ rock!

I got up this morning and all was well.

Weird, right? I mean, like, totally and completely weird. Right?

I tried looking it all up on Ye Olde Internet but didn’t really get any answers. If you should have some idea, well, you know where the comment section is. Leave me one. Right now I’m just hoping that whatever that was it never happens again.


3 thoughts on “Labor Pains After Menopause

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