That’s the gist of it.
Let’s start with my day then I’ll tell you about my dream which is what I really want to get to but, since we’re here, let’s start with my day.
I love my job. I love my boss–no, seriously, we’re about the same age, we grew up in New England, we have a lot of the same POVs and the same love-it-or-leave-it sense of humor. I love what I do as far as the ‘mechanics’ of my job and the people who come and go in front of my window. I love what the Union (all Unions) stand for and I can’t ever envision myself working somewhere else. Quite honestly, I don’t want to. After all my long years of dead-end jobs I finally found a ‘home’ and for that I am grateful.
HOWEVER, because it’s really just me and my boss in the office (there’s another guy but his presence is sporadic at best!) and my boss is a busy dude always going to meetings, tracking down work for the ‘guys’, and going on job visits and all of that’s great, that’s what he should be doing. He also leaves a lot of the responsibility on my shoulders. People see me as ‘just the little secretary’ and I’m paid like ‘just the little secretary’ but, after almost five years, I could be a Business Agent. I take care of everything in his absence. That’s ok. No problem. I got this.
The part that’s not really ‘ok’ with me is that I am there ALONE…A LOT. I mean…seriously…A LOT. I often tell people that while it’s busy I have ‘the loneliest job in the world’. In fact, in all honesty and all seriousness the only person I know who might possibly have had a lonelier job than me is my Cousin….40+ years ago…when he was stationed at The South Pole. But, at least he had some 20 others guys with him. Like, ya know, 24/7/365 which probably also had its drawbacks. LOL
BUT my job was not lonely today in fact it was overrun. Yep. For as many days as I sit there wishing for Human Contact today made up for it to the point I was overwhelmed. I mean it was like…I dunno…’Avengers’ on Opening Weekend. LOL. For a long while there I couldn’t even catch my breath, which is really difficult for someone like me who has COPD and is prone to panic attacks. Honestly, I mean they did no stop coming. If you work the deli counter you might actually have some idea of what I’m talking about here. 😛
Top that off with the fact that hubby and I are supposed to shell out money so Miss Rebecca can have a car and it didn’t make for a good day. BUT, because I work where I do and I have the rapport with my boss and ‘the guys’ that I do…I did manage to find a totally awesome deal on a Buick Le Sabre for $300.00. WOW! I can’t wait to go and buy the car so Miss Rebecca, who newly moved ‘back home’, has her own damn transportation.
So, let’s just say that at the end of the day I was really happy to leave the office considering that it’s Friday and all. BUT on my way home I ran across some dumb bitch with a Florida plate who couldn’t tell the difference between the ‘left’ lane and the ‘right’ lane nor could she tell the difference between a Red light and a Green light. The Green light had been a Green light for THREE cars IN FRONT of HER! Yet…she came to a dead stop. She looked around. She turned to the child in the backseat and sat something, I dunno what.
I honked my horn.
She gave me The Bird.
She looked around again…yeah, not UP at the traffic light just…around. Then she went through.
I know, I’m old, I’m 50…not a ‘snowflake’. I raised two kids. I know they can get rowdy in the backseat and be very distracting. Somehow though I manged to keep driving until I could reach a safe place to pull over and take care of the problem while the Rest of the World went about its business without me being in its way.
How’d that happen?
My mama and daddy taught me that, no matter how much I’d like to be, I wasn’t the Center of the Universe. The Earth didn’t revolve around ME but, rather, around that big flaming ball in the sky we call ‘The Sun’. I am a Mere Raindrop in the Atlantic Ocean. It’s Not About ME. This is a lesson I tried hard to impress upon my darling daughters even though the Public School System fought me every step of the way! Me. Ya know, lil ol’ me being nothing more than merely ‘mom’ was often ignored by my darling daughters and in deed even told things like; ‘You don’t know what you’re taling about.” You know in favor of the Teacher drawing a public salary. As such, I quickly learned I was stupid. As came to Middle Age I learned how ‘smart’ I am as my darling daughters keep telling me; Mom, you were right.
Back to the…ah, lovely woman with the Florida plate.
She continued to get in the wrong lane in front of me even though they’re clearly marked if one can just interpret arrows on road signs!
Even though all I wanted to do was go home (and I knew the proper way to get there) I kept letting her cut me off as I kept an eye on her. She was far more interested in whatever was going on in the backseat of her car than what was directly in front of her.
She put on her turn signal the KEPT GOING.
I got tired of her.
I went to go around her.
She cut me off to the point I had to slam my brakes and rolled down the passenger window.She screamed at me; “I have a GUN biotch!” She moved as though she was reaching under the driver’s seat for something.
At that point I lost it. I stopped. I rolled down my window and yelled back; “Go home redneck, no one wants you here!”
She just stared at me so I continued, “Bitch isn’t spelled with an ‘o’ and Connecticut does NOT have reciprocity with Florida.”
She sat there still frozen as though unable to comprehend.
So I continued; “If you don’t have a Connecticut Gun Permit you are carrying an illegal weapon, you fucking stupid whore! Go back to Florida!”
(Hey! It’s always nice to know your rights but even better to know the LAW. You might die but, WTF, the other person will rot for eternity.)
“I’m FROM Connecticut!” She shouted.
“So you have a Connecticut Gun Permit?”
I was tired of dealing with her ignorance by that point so I just smiled and said; “Honey, once you go Red you’re way better off DEAD. You don’t belong here.” I shouted back and hit the gas pedal. I came as close to her car as I possibly could without hitting it and went on my merry way watching her stupid face showing open disbelief in my rear view mirror.
Yeah, more often than not, it takes more than a fake steel penis to really prove your point. No matter how much it goes ‘boom’ when you pull the trigger.
As I sped past her and she held up traffic I wondered what she thought of my bumper stickers; America IS a UNION, Freedom of Religion MEANS ANY Religion, COEXIST, Magick Happens, and Jimi’s quote; When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power…the world will know peace.
Hey, love it lump it love it leave, it’s better than the Trump and NRA stickers on her car. I hope she has long lonely uninsured life.
Well, now that part of the story is over, let’s get to my dream, shall we? Well in a round-about way. Stick with me if you’re interested.
Hubby’s been sick the last few days. Poor baby. I had to deal with ‘the furnace guy’ on Wednesday. It took hm two HOURS to clean the furnace.
He did that. I went to work.
Yesterday I finally got to keep my appointment with the pulmonologist! I walked in. That office was a MESS…they didn’t even have me fill out ‘new patient’ paperwork. WTF? Then I got to see the doctor and he was older than dirt BUT he turned out to be a great guy. I got my prescriptions, went home and told hubby I was going to live even though Pequot Medical Center totally NEGLECTED to tell me they saw a hiatial hernia on my x-ray. Wow. And they want $3,000.00. So totally not worth it.
Everything went well, he turned out to be a nice guy and got new prescriptions.
Which is probably why I actually SLEPT last night.
As I slept, for the first time in forever, I dreamed of Ares.
Even as I write this I’m still in disbelief over it. It’s been YEARS since he came to me in a dream. I’ve MISSED him more than I will ever be able to relay in mere words.
He’s been my Muse for a long time. Then he shut up. He didn’t talk to me. I thought I offended him by getting old and fat. I figured he had better women to spend his time with, sexier women, younger women. I no longer matter to him.
Last night he decided he was moving into my ‘attic’.
I scrambled to clean the ‘attic’ and get it perfect for him. I dusted. I cleaned. I brought every comfort I thought I could find for him including a very nice hammock.
He came into the ‘attic’. He laughed. He SMILED! Oh, how I love that smile, it makes me turn to mush every time.
I don’t need perfection, I just need you.
Yes, he decided it was ‘too perfect’ and made changes that made smile and laugh. Changes that brought me thought ALL of the stages of my life from the silliest of things to things I never realized hurt me. Ya know like my own mother selling; my tricycle, my prom dress, the doll house Cousin made for me. Things I kept silent about but wanted to explode over.
Then he looked around at the space with its big picture window, its hammock, it little photographs and nick-knacks and pronounced it ‘perfect’. Yes, he’d be happy to move ‘back in’ if only I could agree that he never really left. But, rather, somehow, I stopped listening to him.
Really? I did? How?
You thought you got old. You thought you got fat. You thought it made you unworthy of my love.
Doesn’t it? You’re a GOD! You deserve the best
Yeah, I do. So who says you’re not it? Not me. Never ME.
Wow! What a concept.
I wish I wish I wish….Upon All Stars….Ares would come back to me. Fill my ‘attic’ Make me happy again.
It could happen.